Dhammy Kelly's Blog

Selling a Bicycle A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as I'd look trying to milk a bicycle!"

Bad News and Good News A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man. Dr: I've got good new and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Patient: I guess the bad news. Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there's nothing else we can do. I'm sorry. Patient: (starts crying) Dr: Now, now... I know you're upset... but remember, I also said there was good news. Patient: Yes, I need some good news... what is it? Dr: Well, you know my nurse, Donna. Patient: (cheering up) Yes? Dr: You know, the one with the big breasts? Patient: (more excited) Yes, yes... Dr: You know the one that's always flirting with you every time you come in for a checkup? Patient: (very excited) Yes, yes - what about her? Dr: I finally had sex with her last night

Married for Thirty Years After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, and then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asked, "What does that mean?" He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot." She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?" He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

Tenses Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it? Student: Obviously it is the past tense Looollll

Three Drunks Get into a Taxi Three drunks get into a taxi and tell the driver where to go. The driver has an idea of the address so he starts the engine, waits a few seconds and turns off the car. He says, "Alright guys we're here!" The first drunk tips him £10 and gets out. The second drunk tips him £20 and gets out. The third drunk then slaps the driver across the face. Worried that the drunk had realized the car hadn't moved an inch, he asks the drunk, "What was that for?" The drunk says, "Control your speed next time. You almost killed us!"

Act of Kindness and Goodwill Mr. Phillips was just getting ready to leave his office and he remembered that his wife had asked him to bring 1KG of Bananas. When He stepped out, he saw an ill-looking old lady across the road. She was selling fresh bananas on the street. Mr. Phillips usually buys bananas from a grocery shop few blocks away from his office but since he was in hurry to reach home today, he thought about buying them from across the road only. He went to the old lady and asked her the price. She quoted $7 per 1KG. He told, “But the store where I usually buy from gives them for $5 per 1KG, can you not give me for the same price?” The Old Lady told, “No Sir, I can not afford to match that price. I can sell them to you at $6 per 1KG. That’s best I can afford to give you for.” Mr. Phillips told her, “nevermind”. He left in his car towards the usual grocery shop. He went inside and picked up a good bunch of bananas. He went to the cashier to pay for them but he was s

Smartest Man in the World A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute and yelled to the passengers that they better jump, and he himself bailed out. Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live,” and jumped out. The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.” He also grabbed a parachute and jumped. The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.” The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Not to worry Father. The smartest man in the world just t

Happiness and Sorrow A man who has gone out of his town comes back and finds that his house is on fire. It was one of the most beautiful houses in the town, and the man loved the house the most! Many were ready to give a double price for the house, but he had never agreed for any price and now it is just burning before his eyes. And thousands of people have gathered, but nothing can be done, the fire has spread so far that even if you try to put it out, nothing will be saved. So he became very sad. His son comes running and whispers something in his ear, “Don’t be worried. I sold it yesterday and at a very good price. The offer was so good, I could not wait for you. Forgive me.” The Father said, “thank God, it’s not ours now!” Then he became relaxed and stood as a silent watcher, just like 1000s of other watchers. Then the second son comes running, and he says to the father, “What are you doing? the house is on fire and you are only watching it burn?” The father said, “D

Your Chance of a Greater Good It was an early morning.  Mr. Khanna was getting ready for his office when His wife asked him to put just a few clothes out for a laundry today.  He asked his wife, “Why?”  She told him, “Because our maid is planning to visit her Grand Daughter today, she will have to leave early to catch the bus and she will not be coming for two days”.  Mr. Khanna asked her, “Where is she going for two days?”  She told him, “Tomorrow is the Birthday of her Grand Daughter, so she is going to spend time with her and celebrate.”   Mr. Khanna told her, “Ok, no problem”. But then his wife asked him, “Oh one more thing!  Should I give her Rs. 500 as a bonus?”   Mr. Khanna said, “Why now?  We will give her during the Christmas”.  His Wife said, “Well, She is hardly able to manage her expenses and she is visiting her Grand Daughter, so not sure how she will be able to manage as these days inflation is high.  I feel she can use a little bonus”. Mr. Khanna said, “Oh d

The Four Smart Students One night four college students were out partying late night and didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning, they thought of a plan. They made themselves look dirty with grease and dirt. Then they went to the Dean and said they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their way back the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back. So they were in no condition to take the test. The Dean thought for a minute and said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time. On the third day, they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days. The Test consisted of only 2 questions with the total of 100 Points. 1) Your Name __________ (1 Points) 2) Which tire burst? __________ (99

Fear vs Respect A Long time ago very cruel king named Virat Singh was ruling the city of Vijay Nagar. All citizens were fearful because of his cruelty. Virat has a dog named Jack, which he used to love more than anything, one fateful morning Jack died. Virat Singh organized last rituals for the dog, entire city came to a cremation ground. Virat Singh was very happy to see that people love him so much and he felt he is the most popular king in the world. After few days Virat Singh died, but no one came for his funerals. Moral: Respect is something you have to earn, you cannot force it on others to respect you. There is a thin line between Fear and Respect, every one of us should understand it and do necessary corrections in our personalities.

Helping Others Once there was a small boy named Shankar. He belonged to a poor family.  One day, he was crossing through the forest carrying some woods. He saw an old man who was very hungry.  Shankar wanted to give him some food, but he did not have food for his own.  So he continued on his way.  On his way, he saw a deer who was very thirsty.  He wanted to give him some water, but he did not have water for himself.  So he went on his way ahead. Then he saw a man who wanted to make a camp but he did not have woods.  Shankar asked his problem and gave some woods to him.  In return, he gave him some food and water.  Now he went back to the old man and gave him some food and gave some water to the deer. The old man and the deer were very happy.   Shankar then happily went on his way. However, one day Shankar fell down the hill.  He was in pain but he couldn’t move and no one was there to help him.  But, the old man who he had helped before saw him, he quickly came and pulled

The Three Types of People A teacher shows three toys to a student and asks the student to find out t he differences. All the three toys are seemed to be identical in their shape, size, and material. After keen observation, the student observes holes in the toys. 1st toy it has holes in the ears.  The 2nd toy has holes in ear and mouth. The 3rd toy has only one hole in one ear. Then with the help of the needle, student puts the needle in the ear hole of the 1st toy. The needle comes out from the other ear. In the 2nd toy, when the needle was put in the ear the needle came out of a mouth. And in the 3rd toy, when the needle was put in, the needle did not come out. The First toy represents those people around you who gives an impression that they are listening to you, all your things and care for you. But they just pretend to do so. After listening, as the needle comes out from the next ear, the things you said to them by counting on them are gone. So be careful while you

The Lazy Farmer The rain gods had been smiling the whole night. The roads were muddy and the potholes were filled to the brim.  It was the day for the market and Raju the farmer was riding his cart along the country road. He had to reach the market early so that he can sell his hay. It was very difficult for the horses to drag the load through the deep mud. On his journey suddenly the wheels of the horse cart sank into the mire. The more the horses pulled, the deeper the wheel sank.  Raju climbed down from his seat and stood beside his cart. He searched all around but could not find anyone around to help him.  Cursing his bad luck, he looked dejected and defeated. He didn’t make the slightest effort to get down on the wheel and lift it up by himself. Instead he started cursing his luck for what happened. Looking up at the sky, he started shouting at God, “I am so unlucky! Why has this happened to me? Oh God, come down to help me.” After a long wait, God finally appeared be

The Wise Old Man A wealthy man requested an old scholar to wean his son away from his bad habits.  The scholar took the youth for a stroll through a garden. Stopping suddenly he asked the boy to pull out a tiny plant growing there. The youth held the plant between his thumb and forefinger and pulled it out. The old man then asked him to pull out a slightly bigger plant. The youth pulled hard and the plant came out, roots and all. “Now pull out that one,” said the old man pointing to a bush. The boy had to use all his strength to pull it out. “Now take this one out,” said the old man, indicating a guava tree. The youth grasped the trunk and tried to pull it out. But it would not budge. “It’s impossible,” said the boy, panting with the effort. “So it is with bad habits,” said the sage. “When they are young it is easy to pull them out but when they take hold they cannot be uprooted.” The session with the old man changed the boy’s life. Moral: Don’t wait for Bad Habits

Cycle of Evil There was once a king who was so cruel and unjust that his subjects yearned for his death or dethronement. However, one day he surprised them all by announcing that he had decided to turn over a new leaf. “No more cruelty, no more injustice,” he promised, and he was as good as his word. He became known as the ‘Gentle Monarch’. Months after his transformation one of his ministers plucked up enough courage to ask him what had brought about his change of heart. And the king answered, “As I was galloping through my forests I caught sight of a fox being chased by a hound. The fox escaped into his hole but not before the hound had bitten into its leg and lamed it for life. Later I rode into a village and saw the same hound there. It was barking at a man. Even as I watched, the man picked up a huge stone and flung it at the dog, breaking its leg. The man had not gone far when he was kicked by a horse. His knee was shattered and he fell to the ground, disabled for li

The Thirsty Crow One hot day, a thirsty crow flew all over the fields looking for water. For a long time, he could not find any. He felt very weak, almost lost all hope. Suddenly, he saw a water jug below the tree. He flew straight down to see if there was any water inside. Yes, he could see some water inside the jug! The crow tried to push his head into the jug. Sadly, he found that the neck of the jug was too narrow. Then he tried to push the jug to tilt for the water to flow out but the jug was too heavy. The crow thought hard for a while. Then looking around it, he saw some pebbles. he suddenly had a good idea. he started picking up the pebbles one by one, dropping each into the jug. As more and more pebbles filled the jug, the water level kept rising. Soon it was high enough for the crow to drink. His plan had worked! Moral: Think and work hard, you may find solution to any problem.

Looking at Mirror One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big advice on the door on which it was written: “Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym”.  In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself. The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room. The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up. Everyone thought: “Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!”  One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless.  They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the

Never to Give Up One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and begin to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that fell on his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off! Moral: Life is go

The Dreaming Priest Long time ago there lived a priest who was extremely lazy and poor at the same time. He did not want to do any hard work but used to dream of being rich one day. He got his food by begging for alms. One morning he got a pot of milk as part of the alms. He was extremely delighted and went home with the pot of milk. He boiled the milk, drank some of it and put the remaining milk in a pot. He added slight curds in the pot for converting the milk to curd. He then lay down to sleep. Soon he started imagining about the pot of curd while he lay asleep. He dreamed that if he could become rich somehow all his miseries would be gone. His thoughts turned to the pot of milk he had set to form curd. He dreamed on; “By morning the pot of milk would set, it would be converted to curd. I would churn the curd and make butter from it. I would heat the butter and make ghee out of it. I will then go to that market and sell that ghee, and make some money. With that money i wi