The Power of Presence

I believe in the power of presence.I was recently reminded of this belief when I and several other Red Cross volunteers met agroup of evacuees from Hurricane Katrina. We were there, as mental health professionals, to offer “psychological first aid.” Despite all the training in how to “debrief,” to educate about stress reactions, and to screen for those needing therapy, I was struck again by the simple healing powerof presence. Even as we walked in the gate tothe shelter, we were greeted with a burst of gratitude from the first person we encountered. I felt appreciated, but somewhat guilty, because I hadn’t really doneanything yet.Presence is a noun, not a verb; it is a state of being, not doing. States of being are not highly valued in a culture that places a high priority on doing. Yet, true presence or “being with” another person carries with it a silent power—to bear witness to a passage, to help carry an emotional burden, or to begin a healing process. In it, there is an intimate connection with another that is perhaps too seldom felt in a society that strives for ever-faster “connectivity.”I was first hurled into an ambivalent presence many years ago, when a friend’s mother died unexpectedly. Part of me wantedto rush down to the hospital, but another part of me didn’t want to intrude on this acute andvery personal phase of grief. I was torn aboutwhat to do. Another friend with me at the time said, “Just go. Just be there.” I did, and I will never regret it.Since then I have not hesitated to be in the presence of others for whom I could “do” nothing. I sat at the bedside of a young man in a morphine coma to blunt the pain of his AIDS-related dying. We spoke to him about his inevitable journey out of this life. He later told his parents—in a brief moment of lucidity—that he had felt us with him.Another time I visited a former colleague dying of cancer in a local hospice. She too was not awake and presumably unaware of others’ presence with her. The atmosphere was by no means solemn. Her family had come to terms with her passing and were playing guitars and singing. They allowed herto be present with them as though she were still fully alive.With therapy clients, I am still pulled by the need to do more than be, yet repeatedly struck by the healing power of connection created by being fully there in the quiet understanding of another. I believe in the power of presence, and it is not only something we give to others. It always changes me—and always for the better.